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<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nAs the long-time clinical consultant for a crisis hotline, I\ngrapple with an old question that\u2019s arisen with a new and urgent focus: How\nshould we respond to callers who use racist, sexist, homophobic, and other\noffensive language?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Therapists absorb and metabolize strong affect and hurtful\nwords all the time. Our role is to listen and understand, to find the person\nbehind barriers of hate, fear, and ignorance. We are also taught to meet people\nwhere they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But what if where they are crosses a line? Ventilation can\noffer relief, but it can also cause harm to the listener and the speaker.\nSetting limits is part of good clinical care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Listening to intensely prejudicial language not only taxes\nthe tolerance of the counselors, but makes them feel complicit in perpetrating\ntrauma and injustice. The staff is skeptical about my talk of metabolizing\nagents, sometimes simplistically so, but often with good reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hateful speech increases prejudice and dehumanization. Exposure\nto it has severe and long-lasting effects on both physical and mental health.\nNot only is it important to protect counselors from burnout and trauma, but\nalso to safeguard those who spew offensive language. \u201cWe are not doing our\ncallers any favors by tolerating behaviors that would get them in trouble\neverywhere else,\u201d a wise African-American long-time staff member always reminds\nus. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This dilemma extends far beyond the counseling relationship.\nWe are living in an era of vitriol unleashed by the President to devastating\neffect. Many counselors see it as their duty to challenge such venom on the\ncrisis lines. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
No one is proposing cancel or call-out culture, which the\nblack feminist and activist Loretta Ross describes<\/a>\nas toxic, a system of \u201cpunishment and exile\nthat mirror[s] the prison industrial complex.\u201d Ross goes on to say, \u201cCall-outs are justified to challenge\nprovocateurs who deliberately hurt others, or for powerful people beyond our\nreach.\u201d This does not describe our callers, who generally come from the least\npowerful margins of society. The point of our work is to try to reach, not\ndrive people further underground into isolated and silent bunkers of reinforced\nconviction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ross proposes instead a culture of calling-in: \u201ca call-out done with love.\u201d This is what we strive for on the crisis lines. We discuss in our meetings the balance between opening up and shutting down, countertransference, self-care, pitfalls of shame and self-righteousness, ways to limit-set that are constructive rather than retaliatory, the limits of tolerance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Over the years I\u2019ve reminded the staff of an old African proverb: \u201cSometimes your mind can be so open that your brains fall out.\u201d Now, they remind me of the same thing, and we stumble on together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n *<\/p>\n\n\n\n Originally published in NCSPP’s<\/em> Impulse<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As the long-time clinical consultant for a crisis hotline, I grapple with an old question that\u2019s arisen with a new and urgent focus: How should we respond to callers who use racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive language? Therapists absorb … Continue reading