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<\/figure><\/li><\/ul><\/figure>\n\n\n\nI\u2019ve seen the film Marriage\nStory<\/em> twice. Following the uproar over a conversation Warren and Sanders had\nin 2018 about whether a woman can beat Donald Trump feels like watching it a\nthird time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two couples: The fictional Nicole and Charlie, an\namicable but divorcing duo with an eight-year-old son who want different\nthings, and the real-life Warren and Sanders, like-minded good friends and\npolitical colleagues who both want to be president. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Befitting their long histories of mutual admiration\nand affection and their desire to protect what matters most (a child, a\nprogressive movement), both couples initially observe non-aggression pacts:\nmediation instead of divorce lawyers for Nicole and Charlie, close policy\nalignments and no bad-mouthing for the presidential rivals. But as differences\nemerge and each seeks advantage in order to prevail, initial vows give way to some\ndefinite hot-mic moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So it goes in movies, in politics, and in life. The same experience is rarely received or recalled in the same way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Given that a woman\u2019s electability against Donald Trump\nhas featured prominently in so many political conversations over the past three\nyears, it\u2019s entirely plausible that Sanders told Warren that a woman couldn\u2019t\nwin the presidency in 2020. Or maybe he just pointed out how a lying, sexist Trump\nwould weaponize gender in a society riddled with outright misogyny and\nunconscious bias. It\u2019s also entirely plausible that Warren heard his words\ncorrectly. Or that she didn\u2019t, but understood the implicit message, \u201cbetter not\ntry,\u201d a warning women hear all the time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In Marriage\nStory<\/em>, Nicole hears this warning, too, and for a long time heeds it. Every\ntime she tries to implement their initial agreement to try living on both\ncoasts, Charlie dismisses her wishes. After all, they are<\/em> a New York family, with a flourishing theater life there.\nBesides, LA, television . . . Seriously?<\/em>\nNicole continually acquiesces, losing herself in the process until she has had\nenough. No wonder she is susceptible to the ruthlessly empathic and effective divorce\nattorney Nora, who knows exactly how to fashion Nicole\u2019s inchoate dissatisfactions\nand longings into the story of a reclaimed self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The shift from acquiescence to \u201cEnough!\u201d seems abrupt,\nexcessive. But it comes from tolerating a lengthy accumulation of\ninsensitivities, intended and inadvertent injuries, and the preeminence of\nothers\u2019 needs and desires until finally we reach a tipping point. Suddenly,\nwe\u2019ve had it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Getting fed up is at the heart of so much conflict and\nalso of so much necessary change, both personally and socio-politically. It drives\nnot only Nicole\u2019s and Warren\u2019s persistence, but also the #MeTooMovement, Black\nLives Matter, Sanders\u2019s (and Trump\u2019s) political appeal, and the success of so\nmany women candidates in the 2018 mid-terms. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEnough!\u201d It drives a great many of us. For better and for worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
*<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
A slightly different version of this piece initially appeared in NCSPP’s Impulse, a publication for therapists. The topicality of the Oscars and the political spat is past, but the themes are timeless.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve seen the film Marriage Story twice. Following the uproar over a conversation Warren and Sanders had in 2018 about whether a woman can beat Donald Trump feels like watching it a third time. Two couples: The fictional Nicole and … Continue reading