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<\/a>My mother gave me some impossible advice: \u201cDon\u2019t be like me.\u201d (My essay of the same title was just published in skirt!<\/em> Click here<\/a> for a funky link to the issue\u2019s pdf and find page 31). I don\u2019t know many women who don\u2019t fear discovering\u2014and then finding–aspects of their mothers in themselves, do you?<\/p>\nAnother of Mom\u2019s gems was, \u201cDon\u2019t grow old.\u201d This puzzled me as a child. Was I supposed to look forward to an early death? As a person who was diagnosed with cancer a year and a half ago, I can tell you that there is nothing I look forward to more than growing old.<\/p>\n
I have tried to take a more pragmatic approach with my daughters. Here are my top tips to them:<\/p>\n
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- Pay off your credit cards in full on time, every time.<\/li>\n
- Try to have a job where you don\u2019t have to wear pantyhose everyday (I dispensed this tidbit before it was acceptable for people to leave the house in their pajamas).<\/li>\n
- If you want to have children, try to have a career that allows you to work part-time.<\/li>\n
- If you want to save money, don\u2019t buy alcohol at a restaurant or bar.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
When my eldest daughter, Emma, was experiencing a difficult time in college, I recommended that she figure out one small thing she could do each day NO MATTER WHAT\u2014brush her teeth, put on lipstick, do the dishes, get dressed. \u201cFor me, it\u2019s making the bed,\u201d I added. Emma now makes her bed religiously, and says this is the most helpful thing I\u2019ve ever said. I only wish I had thought to say it before she left home for college, leaving behind her a bedroom that looked like it had crossed paths with Hurricane Katrina.<\/p>\n
Who knows what bits of mother wisdom and folly will lodge in kids\u2019 brains?<\/p>\n
Actually, my mother gave me some very valuable advice on top of the impossible:<\/p>\n
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- If you want to read good writing, read The New Yorker.<\/em><\/li>\n
- If a man hits you, even once, walk away and never look back (I passed this one on to my girls).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
Here\u2019s what I really hope I\u2019ve passed on to my girls from my mother. She didn\u2019t write it–I came across the well-worn clipping in her drawer. It wasn\u2019t even published until 1972, when I was almost out of the house. But my mother could have been the author–it was the air I breathed growing up. Take it and pass it on; you could do a lot worse:<\/p>\n
Children Learn What They Live<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.<\/em><\/p>\n
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.<\/em><\/p>\n
Copyright \u00a9 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte<\/em><\/p>\n
Thanks, Mom. You rule.<\/p>\n
*<\/em><\/p>\n
What was the best and worst advice you got from your mother? How about the best and worst advice you’ve given your kids?<\/em><\/p>\n
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My mother gave me some impossible advice: \u201cDon\u2019t be like me.\u201d (My essay of the same title was just published in skirt! Click here for a funky link to the issue\u2019s pdf and find page 31). I don\u2019t know many … Continue reading
- If a man hits you, even once, walk away and never look back (I passed this one on to my girls).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
- If you want to read good writing, read The New Yorker.<\/em><\/li>\n