I\u2019ve been in and out of love with men many times over the decades, but breaking up with my best friend, Sharon, was worse than any failed romantic relationship. It knocked the wind out of me for years, consuming me as I tried to figure out what went wrong. How could someone who was so much a part of me be gone from my life? I felt like a crazy person, unable to move on from my guilty, shameful obsession.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not the only one. Almost every adult woman I\u2019ve talked with has a similar story. The details and personalities differ, but the women I\u2019ve spoken with all feel equally crazy and obsessed by a deep hurt that at best leaves a lot of scar tissue, but often never heals. (I was lucky\u2014Sharon and I eventually reconciled.)<\/p>\n

I wonder if the hyper-idealization of friendship between girls and women is part of the problem. Our friends are supposed to be everything to us\u2014super supportive, always there for us, able to finish our sentences, someone who gets us inside and out. In fact, sometimes we seem like the same person, inside and out! That urge to merge is so delicious\u2014and so deadly.<\/p>\n

We know how to be close, but difference often feels like an unbearable distance. That\u2019s often when trouble starts. Worse, women seldom know how to deal in a healthy way with all those \u201cnot nice\u201d feelings: conflict, aggression, envy, and competition. So we sweep problems under the rug, hoping they\u2019ll go away. Or act out big time. Or exhaust ourselves with endless processing.\u00a0(No wonder the movie Bridesmaids<\/a><\/em> \u00a0always strikes a nerve for me<\/a>\u2014I\u2019ve seen it four times!)<\/p>\n

What makes female friendship so susceptible to ruptures? Can we enjoy tight bonds without cutting off the circulation?<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

What do you think? What are your experiences with X-BFFs? Were you ever able to drop the “X” even if\u00a0regaining “BFF” proved elusive?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been in and out of love with men many times over the decades, but breaking up with my best friend, Sharon, was worse than any failed romantic relationship. It knocked the wind out of me for years, consuming me … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Day 24 of the A to Z Blogging Challenge:\r\nX is for X-BFF http:\/\/wp.me\/p2F8Ch-iC","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[8,17,32,349],"tags":[19,97,254,409],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2F8Ch-iC","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1154"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1154"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1154\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1158,"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1154\/revisions\/1158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shrinkrapped.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}