![\"36](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/shrinkrapped.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/36-Questions-too.png?w=180&h=319&ssl=1\" "\\"36")
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<\/a> <\/div> <\/div> ![\"36](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/shrinkrapped.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/36-Questions.png?w=180&h=319&ssl=1\" "\\"36")
<\/a> <\/div> <\/div> <\/div> <\/div>\n\u201cLet\u2019s do 36 Questions<\/a> during the flight!\u201d I proposed to my husband, Jonathan. Long plane rides were in our immediate future, as we planned to celebrate our 60th<\/sup> birthdays, 29th<\/sup> wedding anniversary, and his impending retirement with travel to Barcelona, the Pyrenees, and the Alps.<\/p>\n Not being a Modern Love<\/a><\/em> aficionado, Jonathan had no idea what I was talking about, but he knew me well enough to be suspicious. Therapists like me are always proposing innocuous-sounding activities designed to plumb the hearts and souls, if not the unconscious, of their loved ones.<\/p>\n \u201cThe 36 Questions promote love and intimacy as people answer ever-deepening questions,\u201d I explained. \u201cYou finish by staring into one another\u2019s eyes for four minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n I don\u2019t remember Jonathan\u2019s exact response, but it was something like, \u201cI would rather chop off my right arm.\u201d<\/p>\n So I gave him a choice.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you don\u2019t want to do the 36 Questions, why don\u2019t we both read Being Mortal<\/a><\/em>, and then discuss in detail end-of-life issues?\u201d I suggested. \u201cAfter all, \u2018Shoot me if it comes to that<\/em>\u2019 is hardly a plan!\u201d I was referring to something I\u2019d said after a particularly depressing visit to a friend with advanced Alzheimer\u2019s, but we\u2019d never taken the conversation much beyond mutual dread and hand-wringing.<\/p>\n On a cheerier note, I added, \u201cBesides, I don\u2019t even know your favorite color or what music you\u2019d want at your memorial.\u201d<\/p>\n Again, I don\u2019t remember Jonathan\u2019s exact response, but this time it was along the lines of, \u201cI would rather chop off my right arm but first I will chop off yours if you don\u2019t stop asking me these things.\u201d<\/p>\n This hardly seemed fair, since I had agreed to go hear some guy natter on about annuities just so we could get a free dinner, which threw me off my diet for a week.<\/p>\n Still, a loving spouse must not hold grudges.<\/p>\n A loving and determined<\/em> spouse must find new methods of persuasion that may or may not involve alcohol and sexual favors.<\/p>\n One of my methods was to forward Jonathan a podcast<\/a> featuring Dr. Arthur Aron, the psychologist whose team devised the 36 Questions. He, like Jonathan, seemed a lovely and intelligent man, not some woo-woo freak.<\/p>\n \u201cThe questions were actually designed to promote better working relationships among colleagues! It takes just 45 minutes!\u201d I explained, assuming this logic would somehow melt the resistance of my wary husband. Instead, it increased his dread that he\u2019d soon have to avoid overpaid, questionnaire-wielding consultants promoting team-building at work as well as his own wife.<\/p>\n \u201cPlus,\u201d I added triumphantly, as if I had discovered the pi\u00e8ce de resistance for overcoming resistance, \u201cIt works best if couples do it together! We can do it with ________ and _______.\u201d<\/p>\n I provide this fill-in-the-blank format not only to protect privacy, but to illustrate that you could pretty much write in the names of anyone you know, and achieve the same outcome: The vast majority of people named in at least one (if not both) of those blanks would be more willing to chop off their right arms than to take the time to answer some VERY BASIC QUESTIONS that might<\/em>, just might<\/em>, improve their sorry little lives! But I digress . . .<\/p>\n It was back to death trumping love. Thinking to enlist the help of my mother-in-law, who routinely says, \u201cWe\u2019re counting on you to put us out of our misery when the time comes,\u201d I told her about my Being Mortal<\/em> Couple\u2019s Book Group Idea.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t blame Jonathan one bit,\u201d my mother-in-law said. \u201cWhy would anyone want to read that book? \u201c<\/p>\n The apple doesn\u2019t<\/em> fall very far from the tree, does it?<\/p>\n With our trip just two weeks away, I was growing desperate. God forbid I should actually plow through back issues of The New Yorker<\/em> and a couple of ebooks on the plane instead of threatening<\/span> strengthening my marriage!<\/p>\n In a last-ditch ambush<\/span> attempt on a lovely, long hike, I said in my best, neutral tone, \u201cI\u2019m curious about why you don\u2019t want to do the 36 Questions?\u201d (Just a few days earlier Jonathan had answered the same question about Being Mortal <\/em>by declaring that he was not \u201cdrawn to death\u201d the way I was.)<\/p>\n \u201cFine, we can do it,\u201d Jonathan replied in a perfectly even and affable tone, depriving me of the chance to pounce on any tell-tale defensiveness.<\/p>\n So now the ball\u2019s in my court. I\u2019ve added 36 Questions to my Trip To-Do List. Shall I print them out or download the free app? (No, I am not kidding\u2014there\u2019s a free 36-Questions App. Several, in fact.)<\/p>\n Then again, maybe I\u2019ll just catch up on my New Yorker<\/em> backlog or try to catch some shut-eye during our 16-hour flight.<\/p>\n That might just be the best anniversary present I could give my beleaguered and beloved husband.<\/p>\n *<\/em><\/p>\n Which would you choose (conversationally speaking)\u2014love or death?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cLet\u2019s do 36 Questions during the flight!\u201d I proposed to my husband, Jonathan. Long plane rides were in our immediate future, as we planned to celebrate our 60th birthdays, 29th wedding anniversary, and his impending retirement with travel to Barcelona, … Continue reading