![\"Gratitude\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/r9f.352.myftpupload.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Gratitude.jpg?resize=584%2C389\" "\\"Source:")
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This gratitude craze bugs the shit out of me.<\/p>\n
Yeah, yeah, I\u2019ve read the research, too. I know that counting your blessings lowers your blood pressure and elevates your mood. Plus, unless you\u2019re so insufferable that you\u2019ve driven everyone away, a grateful attitude usually means having lots of loved ones who can actually stand to be around you.<\/p>\n
The fact that it works infuriates me even more.<\/p>\n
Apparently, I\u2019m not alone.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u201c\u2019Dear Amy,\u2019\u201d writes Needs a Hug.<\/em> \u201c. . . I realize that in the grand scheme of things, I have a very good life. Still, . . . I get a little blue. . . Many people seem to feel . . . I will perk up if reminded how much better off I am than others. . . . I feel as if I have no right to feel tired, sad or overtaxed. If I hear one more, \u2018Well, at least\u2019 statement, I could fall apart.\u2019\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Tell it like it is, Needs a Hug<\/em>. Maybe your happy-talk friends just need a knuckle sandwich.<\/p>\n
Speaking of sandwiches, remember Caf\u00e9 Gratitude<\/a>, that venerable landmark in the corporatization of self-esteem? \u00a0In its heyday you could indulge in \u201cI Am Cheerful\u201d veggie burgers or \u201cI am Fabulous\u201d lasagna, washed down with an \u201cI Am Eternally Blessed\u201d milkshake.<\/p>\n
Forgive me, but I am nauseated, and it\u2019s not because of an overabundance of goddess-kissed food.<\/p>\n
Call me old-fashioned, but I am suspicious of any feeling that has a menu item named after it. Perhaps I\u2019m being unfair, though. After all, Caf\u00e9 Gratitude is merely the logical outcome as the Positive Food and Positive Psychology movements join forces. Merging \u201cYou Are What You Eat\u201d with \u201cYou Are What You Think\u201d perfectly embodies the trend toward self-esteem as commodity.<\/p>\n
This instills in me not so much a feeling of gratitude as the desire to launch a competitive franchise. Maybe I\u2019ll call it Caf\u00e9 Curmudgeon. How delicious to imagine the chains battling it out on rival street corners, like Starbucks and Peet\u2019s!<\/p>\n
Now don\u2019t get me wrong. Through nature and nurture, I am a cheerful and optimistic person. But just as Heaven is flat and boring compared to the juicy degradations of Hell, <\/em>life without cynicism and darkness is depressing. What would Peanuts <\/em>be without Lucy, serene in her crabbiness? Besides, maybe she wouldn\u2019t be so cranky if her sanctimonious little brother, Linus, would just stop radiating goodness all the time. Can\u2019t he give it a rest?<\/p>\n
Where would the world be without the temperamentally morose? The evolutionary advantages of depression are clear: after all the more outgoing people have killed one another off, those emerging sluggishly from the cave to take a piss can repopulate the planet.<\/p>\n
But once outside the cave, do we really want to live in a lobotomized world? The Stepford Wives <\/em><\/a>depicts a society of happy, grateful people. There\u2019s just a slight catch–harmony is achieved by killing off real women and replacing them with zombies. This seems a bit much, even for the suburbs.<\/p>\n
Gratitude, positive thinking, relentless cheerfulness\u2014maybe it\u2019s all part of the same Stepford conspiracy to sanitize authentic emotion. As my friend Avvy says about our horror of dark feelings, \u201cWash out all aggression. Rinse and repeat.\u201d But woe to those who are not so fastidious about their laundry.<\/p>\n
At a Brownie meeting when my daughter was five, I took exception to the part of the oath that demands \u201cA Girl Scout is always cheerful.\u201d\u00a0 Heedless of my daughter\u2019s social standing, I told the other moms that, in my experience as a therapist, many of my clients\u2019 problems stemmed from exhortations to be cheerful no matter what. There was dead silence for a few beats before one of the mothers said, \u201cMaybe Girl Scouts isn\u2019t for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
My therapy clients, too, have been banished by families who do not welcome their lack of good cheer in response to difficult childhoods. They hear, \u201cYou\u2019re so <\/em>sensitive. It\u2019s water under the bridge. Can\u2019t you just let it go?\u201d Well, no, actually. My clients fear that letting go lets derelict people off the hook. It\u2019s not that they want to feel angry and unhappy, but premature gratitude is like a thin coat of whitewash that seals in the toxins.<\/p>\n
My clients have read the research, too, though. We know the hazards of lingering in the muck. Shouldn\u2019t we at least try to put on a happy face? Fake it \u2018til we make it? If only it were that easy. Now my clients not only feel miserable, but also guilty for making themselves sick, trapped by their inability to choose gratitude.<\/p>\n
Yet there\u2019s hope for ingrates and curmudgeons alike, if the annals of restaurateuring are any indication. Caf\u00e9 Gratitude\u2019s vast empire has shrunk dramatically ever since disgruntled employees sued them for questionable labor practices<\/a>. In a letter announcing the closure of most of their restaurants, the owners explained:<\/p>\n
\u00a0A series of aggressive lawsuits has brought us to this unfortunate choice. . . . We were happy to . . . \u00a0sustain ourselves on the transformation and personal growth of our people, while providing local organic vegan food to our community in an atmosphere of unconditional love. That commitment is under attack and we are not able to weather this storm.<\/p>\n
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Now that’s<\/em> delicious!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This gratitude craze bugs the shit out of me. Yeah, yeah, I\u2019ve read the research, too. I know that counting your blessings lowers your blood pressure and elevates your mood. Plus, unless you\u2019re so insufferable that you\u2019ve driven everyone away, … Continue reading